whats really going on in my head

I never thought that many things could happen to me this year but it has… i ‘ve been bullied, pushed around taking advantage of , mislead, and hurt by one person who are suppose to be their for me … My family wonders what’s wrong with me .. most of the time they think I’m mad at the world or something like that but mostly I mad at myself for believing all what he said.. so call crap they said. I was a fool for trusting and building up false hopes…   I can’t explain all the thoughts in my head. lately he have been pretty weird but if you only knew what was in my head these days you wouldn’t question some of my action… Or maybe you would…  How can I forget you ? how can I erase 3 year of memories? Why are these faded memories stabbing me like a knife cutting deep into my heart…why is all this time away tearing me apart? you are no longer by my side…I feel so much pain…I have nothing more to gain..you broke it and left…you stomped on me and forgot I cried deep inside…I cried more than a lot you never cared anyway but I did ,  before I let you come in to my house…I remember what u told me …..u been breakup with you ex. Girlfriend……nothing for both of you have to contact each other…is what u said …ok I believe  you , I take you to my home …am introduce you to all member in my family and relative …they all happy to have you as one member in family…they love you…they don’t care where u from or how poor you are…me too I do love you….even u don’t have anything for me ? but I do love you…  I remember when u don’t have a car..u want to go to the province I take you there…u have to work at night I still wait u until u finish your work…u hungry I take u for eat…sometime your monthly payment late for open …you don’t have money I can give you some…u family want to visit somewhere I take them go…  when you sick…you need to operation….my family help you everything…especially my mum …she take care of you like her real son … beside my family…my friends they like u..they care of u but they don’t know what you treat me like a fool……  one day when I found u still contact with you ex. girlfriend ………I ask u and u said I was wrong……u and her just be friend……u have only me……u said your parents agree just me…even our date of birth can’t be together…but they don’t mind…  after that day I know u lie me cuz I can catch she send you sms……( how are bong samlagn ? mean nirk aun de te? ) can u explain me ? u said yes I can explain you……… I can’t leave her right now………cuz she sick she have  heart attack……I can’t leave her quickly … please give me a time……I will prove this problem away…I swear ………u start kneel crying on my knee ………then I give u time………cuz without you I can not live…without you my heart is incomplete…without you I am weak…..I try to forget all this pain ………and I wish u will keep your promise ………during those day you said u was busy at work ………u don’t have time for me ………yes you don’t have time for me cuz u have time for ur girl………u buy car and then u plan for buying home………u know why I know this ? bcoz ur girl phone me and and ask me for stop contact with you cuz she need to married with you…she told me u love her more than anything in this world………  how can you explain me again ? you won’t stop ur period of lies………why u have to give her my number? U do like this coz u afraid for saying goodbye to me ? it hard?   You call me last night for dinner together coz we must need to talk and solve our problem………yes am agree for this appointment …………the time is coming u did not come …………u give me like a big boom……………u did not call me or tell me for apologize ………… when I call you did not answer my call…………again and again…………yeah u pick up my call ………u said u was drunk u can’t go and ur parents also come to visit……so u can’t leave them alone………yes u told me ur parents come here almost 1 week for join water festival ……why u call me for make appointment if u can’t leave them for 2h or 3h? it is your reason ?  I got a big temper coz not just 1 time u break appointment without a reason …………what do you think about me ? you think am like butterfly lady ? when u need u don’t care what time I have to go with you ? and when u don’t need me u throw to the recycle bin? ok enough ………let break up ……… u said our action and date of birth can’t be together ……it ur reason ? why you don’t say like this from the start ? why u said u don’t care ? u don’t want to say anything with me …………  one thing u ask me before hang up the phone u want to keep going to my home and meet my family cuz u said u love them . why u need to do like if we are broke up ? I can’t accepted ………… I got pain    I know that I should try to find somebody new.. But all I find is myself always thinking of you.. You don’t even know it.. And why should you care? Your happy just pretending that I’m not even there..Forever means nothing if I don’t spend it with you.. But theres just nothing more I think I can do..I try to tell you I love you but you just don’t stop to listen..Then I guess you’ll never know that I’m the one your missin..Give me just one minute and look into my eyes..Forget the world.. Forget the pain and lies..Forget about what people say and what other people might see..All I want you to think about now is what you think of me.. Maybe I am wrong and you really just don’t care..But why sometimes do you act so sweet if no feelings are actually there.. Nothing in this whole damn world could keep me from loving you..